Tim wants you to know tool tours in january

ROSETTA STONED
All righty then... picture this if you will...
10 to 2 am, X, yogi DMT, and a box of krispy kreme's in my "need to know" pose just outside of area 51, contemplating the whole chosen people thingy when just then a flaming stealth banana split the sky like one would hope but never really expect to see in a place like this. Cutting right angle donuts on a dime and stopping right at my birkinstocks, and me yelping "holy fuckin' shit!"

then the X file being, looking like some kinda blue green Jackie chan, with Isabella Rossellini lips, and breath that reeked of vanilla chig champa, did a slow mo matrix decent outta the butt end of the banana vessel, and hovered above my bug eyes, my gaping jaw, and my sweaty elron hubbard upper lip and all I could think was, "I hope uncle martin here doesn't notice that I pissed my fuckin pants!!"

so light in his way, like an apparition, that he had me crying out...
"fuck me! It's gotta be the dead head chemistry. (the) blotter got right on top o' me. Got me seeing E mutha fuckin T!


and after calming me down with some orange slices and some fetal spooning, E.T. revealed to me his singular purpose. He said. "you are the chosen one. The one who will deliver the message. A message of hope for those who choose to hear it, and a warning for those who do not." Me! The chosen one. They chose me!!!! And I didn't even graduate from fuckin' high school!!

Then he looked right through me with somniferous almond eyes. Don't even know what that means. Must remember to write it down.
This is so real. Like the time Dave floated away. See, my heart is pounding. cuz this shit never happens to me.
Can't breathe right now.

It was so real. Like I woke up in wonderland. all sorta terrifying. I don't wanna be alone while I tell this story.
And can anyone tell me why y'all sound like peanuts parents?
Will I ever be coming down?
This is so real. Finally it's my lucky day See, my heart is racing cuz this shit never happens to me.
Can't breathe right now.


You believe me don't you? Please believe what I've just said. See, the dead ain't touring and this wasn't all in my head. see they took me by the hand and invited me right in. then they showed me something. I don't even know where to begin.

Strapped down to my bed, feet cold and eyes red.
I'm out of my head am I alive? Am I dead.
Can't remember what they said. God damn. Shit the bed.
Overwhelmed as one would be placed in my position...
Such a heavy burden now to be the one
Born to bear and bring to all the details of our ending.
to write it down for all the world to see.
But I forgot my pen. Shit the bed again. Typical.


Strapped down to my bed, feet cold and eyes red.
I'm out of my head am I alive? Am I dead.
Sun kissed and Sudafed Gyro scopes and infrared
won't help. I'm brain dead. Can't remember what they said.
God damn. Shit the bed.


Can't remember what they said to me.
Can't remember what they said to make me out to be the hero.
Can't remember what they said.
Bob help me.
Can't remember what they said.


We don't know and we won't know.
God damn shit the bed.

The week that was... By popular demand...

- By James W.C. Kells [Current Bass player for Pyschotron (?)]

Monday: ADS meeting. Decided that the DLC "Conception Day T-Shirts" (Think Autonomy Day, But with 'Youth Group' and 10,000 other people) would be in (very specific) 'Highlighter-Pink' with the slogan 'Get it out, and get it angry' and 'Drop bears, consuming Seppo's since 1971'. *

Tuesday: Finished some assignments.

Wednesday: Went to the Ranch (the locally (and only) Bar). Some dancing involved - I hate dancing.

Thursday: Playboy party at the Sam Bar. Megan slicked my hair back for the event. The Dutch Girls said it looked good, but I still had a nagging feeling that I felt a little like Max Long. Before going out Kitty my neighbour (Yes that is her real name), came into my room to use my mirror.

Int. Night: Room 344
Kitty walks in wearing noting but a see through negligee

Kitty
"Do I look hot in this?"

James
"Ahh, yes…"

Kitty
"I mean would you fuck me if I was wearing this"

James
"…"

Kitty
"I think I will wear this tonight"

James
"…"

Int. Night: Very Cold Shower

James
"…"

Friday: Saw "Snakes on a Plane" - MUST SEE MOVIE!! "I am tired of this god-dam plane, and I am tired of these god-dam mother f*cking snakes!" Journeyed to the Observatory on Campus with Suzanne and Amy. Wanting to be ready to go out latter, they were wearing dresses and high-healed shoes. Rain, a large pile of mulch, and a lack of direction caused some adventures. After returning to civilisation went to 'Lacita' (sic) in the city, a South American dance club, for Carlos's birthday. Much close dancing and Sangria involved - I like dancing **. Caught taxi home with Amy at approx. 4pm, she was basically out of it. I felt for her as she had to leave DLC at 8am to go to the Blue Mountains ***.

Saturday: Went to Glebe markets, ate some sushi and watched I Heart Huckabees. Accidentally locked myself out of my room. Tried to blame the messy state of my room on nihilist bedroom terrorists. Currently bean bag balls are migrating down the corridor at an alarming rate. I am not sure where they came from, but I blame a mixture of illegal drugs, alcohol and the Indian boyz that live at the end of the hall.

Sunday: Field trip to Narrabeen for GEOS115. Looked at sand deposits and some fossils for 3.5hours. A little boring, but returned to collage with a lot of paperweights.


Added Notes to consume at your leisure:

* Also Kitty decided to have sex in the hallway outside my door. Slightly disturbing as my door was open at the time.

** Yep - That’s all you're getting (…and me I feel…)

*** Just discovered she actually threw-up on the bus ride there, very funny especially if you have seen SNAKES ON A PLANE!

The question on everybody's lips:

WELL, KELLS?

What is your website worth?

I dont like jelly : $27 (maybe i could sell it and buy a cd?)
The wonderful world of cheese: $77 (good going kate)
and my blog my evil plan: $0 (well im not really suprised)
For comparison i looked up google.com which has a worth of
wait for it
$14409
Yes even though its shares are worth $80 the website is worth less than a new corolla
So I rechecked it and i got a new valuation of google.com : $14543, and it remained at that value for all subsequent checks. So i thought to myself, ill recheck cheese's blog to see if i get a different answer. which i did.
$20352
Cheese's blog is officially worth more than google

Ned and Neighbours

I hate ned on Neighbours.... he is spoiling a GOOD QUALITY AUSTRALIAN drama!

Books for Ladies

So, I was in the library earlier, looking for some lighter than light reading, thinking that maybe, yes, I would borrow some "women's fiction" because it's like chocolate for the brain. Well..... maybe not chocolate. Maybe marshmallows. (Anyway, some women's fiction is quite okay. As long as you don't think about old ladies' writing sex scenes. It just gets seamy.) Anyway, looking for some light reading, so I'm canvassing the paperback section, when what do I find, complete with lurid cover? Vampire Highlanders.
What, they bite your neck, and stop the bleeding with their plaid? How is that sexy?
Besides, I thought Scots were allegedly sexy due to their rugged, ultramanly manliness. Which kind of makes an interesting dichotomy, given that I always thought vampires were much more... well, pansies.
Who, admittedly, could rip your arm off with their feet, but that's beside the point.
Needless to say, I borrowed The Pirates! In an adventure with Ahab instead.

Random Comments to make Tim Jelous: 1

Random Comments to make Tim Jealous: 1

Today I met a Japanese student staying at the college called Tetsuya. He arrived with 17 other students to learn English in Australia. Unlike his classmates he didn't sit huddled in the corner, but in broken English he handed out photographs of himself with his name and email address on the back. I thought this was very cool (I have a limited edition surveying the Tai coast on a cold day Tetsuya masterpiece). After talking to him for a while, he saw I was wearing my Fidel Castro jacket with the Japanese writing. His translation was "those are some letters, but that makes no idea".

But to the point, He asked me "you like Japanese grls? I talk with them to you"

Hypothetical Situation:

This friend of a friend of mine liked a person of the opposite sex.

1. Is it o.k. if you didn't make an obvious 'move' on them, after talking to them for a good 2 to 4 hours?

2. Is it good that they also seem to have a desire to talk to you the next day when next you meet in the shopping centre?

3. Is it good that their idea of fun is to go to the contemporary museum in the city?

4. What is a 'move', what makes it so 'obvious', and could 9 out of ten 'meeples' tell the difference?

Signed,
Random person trying to sell products on the internet.


P.S
I live in room 344 - 3 East, aptly nicknamed 'the Ghetto'.