I don't like jelly. I don't trust the way it moves.

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Friday, April 28, 2006

Nazis with jetpacks: are they cool?

Reading about cheese's netball antics reminds me of indoor soccer wher there are 4 kinds of players we play against on a regular basis
1. Crap players. By far the best kind. I also put average and middling to good players in this catagory because i ran out of catagories. Here's a tip kids, don't limit yourself to 4 types of people because there's really like 6 or 7.
2. Good players. As above except they kick our asses. Both types are fun to play the crap players cos you win and the good players because you learn something. something about incredible ass-pain.
3. Fat players. these are ok except that when they tackle you they tend to body check you and you bounce off into walls and such.
4. Wogs. They either are good or think they are and they are all psycho. I'm not being racist because its true.
Last friday we played a team that had a wog in it. They beat us 8-3 and during the game the guy got really mad at us when we got the ball off him, and would shove us when we had the ball, and he kicked our goalkeeper (me) when the ref wasn't looking. Then he got even more mad when the ref kept on giving us free kicks and complained how the ref was against them. after the game one of our guys went out to the carpark and the wog tried to start a fight with our team.
at this stage ive forgotten the point of this whole thing but i remember it had something to do with death riding a bi-sickle

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Fact!

Do you speak Spanish is...

¿Habla usted español?
...
Now all I need is a Spanish Language Book where I can get past the first test/lesson.
...
On a good note, I can now have a converstaion with that drunk bloke in The Grand.
...
On a bad note the sentence is useless to me, as it is the only thing that I know how to say. Much like the reverse of that Spanish dude in Family Guy, whose complete knowledge of English, was knowing how to say his name, correct Brians poor Spanish grammer then explain that they were the only two phrases he knew in English.
¡Sí! Adiós.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Lost?

I don't want to alarm anyone, but i may well have found Jo Murry's long lost twin sister.

Scary but true.

For a long time now, i have been operating with the theory that Wollongong is some kind of mirror image anti-newcastle. (With more bogans)

She was a vegan with redish hair, an enthusiastic op-shopper, her voice sounded just like Jo's, and was a part time clown/pirate/ninja.

Name the number of people who will come up to you and say...

"Hey, high fives have become passe. Lets make them cool again! High Five!"

Highlander was wrong...

...there is more than one......

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Katie-cheese has been complaining that
(a) this blog doesn't recieve attention or as many comments as others (ahem, like mine?)
(b) and that no one contributes enough

So to kill a few birds, I'm posting something SHE wrote which I'm will strike a chord with most of you. Enjoy.

Stare straight ahead. Don’t even think about looking at your father. Keep your eyes fixed on the television screen. The show can’t last forever.

Sunday nights are ever constant. Offering roast dinners, banter around the table, inane questions resulting in answers already known, and after dinner settling around the TV watching period dramas on the ABC.

It’s the end of the night that bothers me. There is nothing more awkward as sitting through a sex scene with your parent. “ Contains a sex scene” is the dreaded warning that precedes the program; the booming voice of the warning haunts me throughout the program.

When will this gratuitous sex pop up?

In silence we wait. I begin to wonder what my Dad is thinking. Whether the moments that we share will embarrass him and if he will leave the room to avoid the painful situation. There are some things that are unspoken and will remain unspoken between father and daughter.

At last the scene arrives. Unbearable silence. My eyes are fixed on the telly, I repeat my mantra “Don’t cough, Don’t move, Act normal”. My father doesn’t move either. The ABC has changed. When I was young there was never any sex on our public broadcaster, now sex fills the ABC’s agenda, what sacrilege to show a period drama with sex on a Sunday night.

The three minutes of sex seems to last a lifetime. My mind is alert to any movement from my father. I’m worried about what he is thinking. We as children know, of course, that parents are asexual beings. It’s cruel but true: fathers have never engaged in intercourse.

And then it is over. The unspoken is never referred to; and it’s a relief. Perhaps forever we will fall into our routine, painstakingly avoiding these awkward situations, or at least until next Sunday.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

A REPLY TO THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF CHEESE, By James WC Kells esq.

From the person who owns 8 Flaming Lips CD/DVD’s I applaud you for your sound choice of music (I have only 4 left to buy, At War with the Mystics comes out on MONDAY!!! YEAH!).

The Flaming Lips are the only band that can present uplifting or depressing topics under a cover of nonsensical giddy lyrics and high pitched happy sounds.

For Example…

Christmas At The Zoo... (Clouds taste Metallic)
There wasn't any snow on Christmas eve and I knew what Ishould do,
I thought I'd free the animals all locked up at the zoo,
I opened up the fence where the peacocks were,
the lamas wereunleashed the snakes and seals could all get out,
but they Refused to leave....
All of the animals agreed they're not happy at the zoos
But they preferred to save themselves, they seemed to think they could...
The elephants, orangutans, all the birds and kangaroos all saidthanks but no thanks man,
but to be concerned is good...
It started to snow on Christmas Eve in the middle of the nightwalkin through the state park zoo and everything is white...

Or one of my favourites…

Race for the Prize... (Soft Bulletin)
Two scientists were racing
For the good of all mankind
Both of them side by side
So Determined
Locked in heated battle
For the cure that is their prize
But it's so dangerous
But they're determined
Theirs is to win
If it kills them
They're just humans
With wives and children
Upwards to the vanguard
Where the pressure is too high
Under the microscope
Hope against hope
Forging for the future
But to sarcrifice their lives
Both of them side by side
So determined
Theirs is to winIf it kills them
They're just humans
With wives and children
Theirs is to win
It will kill them
They're just humans
With wives and children

I won't force my opinion about their respective messages, but i suggest you listen to the songs so that you see how the band manages to bury the ideas in your head without you noticing...

And remember…
... I got yer package it was all a mess, lightning strikes the postman in his chest, I hope that you remember the things you had to say, it's just a supernatural delay...
(Take that Tool lyrics!)

Monday, April 03, 2006

Sodding Simpsons.

You read a sufficiently nerdy science/tech site.
OF COURSE there will be some Simpsons reference.
In this case, it's that the Simpsons moofie is going to be released July 2008 in the US.
And that there are two more series to come.
Dammit, why don't they (where they = ALL teev people) make more series of GOOD shows- like The Samurai. Come on. It rocked.

I have three tickets - who wants to come?

Your seats are now confirmed for the studio audience of The Chaser's War on Everything on Thursday 6th April .Please meet in the foyer of the ABC studios at 700 Harris Street, Ultimo for the audience call at 6.00pm. You will need to check in at The Chaser audience podium in the foyer, on ground level. There are no tickets, your original booking name is on our audience list.The show should last around two hours and all members of our audience must be 16 years and over. Please just let us know if you are unable to attend by emailing chaser.war@abc.net.auWhilst there is no parking available at the ABC, there is paid parking adjacent at the Carlton Crest Hotel, 179 Thomas Street, cross street is Quay Street, Haymarket and Central Station is a ten-minute walk away.There is no food or drink allowed in the studio, so please eat beforehand if you need to. The studio can also get quite cold, so please bring something warm to wear, if you feel the cold. Also we do not allow recording devices in our studio record. You may be required to present your bag for inspection.We look forward to seeing you there.