And thats all I have to say...

boeuf

Here is my boeuf.
As of this week i have decided that George Lucas is my sworn enemy. If the man is such a genious why oh why did he have to make the lives of every video shop employee a living hell? He writes a 9 part saga, but swears only ever to make parts 4, 5 and 6. This is fine. The nerds are happy, George buys a huge ranch, Harrison Ford shoots onto the hollywood scene and Mark Hamill is brought to the attention of the producers/writers of The Simpsons so they have someone to write gags about for the next 3 centuries (or however the hell long that show really has been running). All in all the world is a better place.
BUT WAIT! CGI is invented and George Lucas starts getting fantastic ideas in his head like "What if i made the first 3 parts of my 9-part saga so i can buy another ranch?!!"
NO GEORGE DONT DO IT!! Too late.
He did and now I have to put up with idiotic questions like "Is A New Hope the first Star Wars movie?" Yes. No. Yes. The answer is yes, it is, if you want to watch the series in the order in which the films were made. The answer is "No you great bafoon!!", if you want to watch the saga in its own 'chronological' intirety.
As a video shop employee, I am compelled to advise the general public to study up on their Star Wars knowledge before asking me any questions riddled with bafoonery.

Here is your guide to the episodes:
Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Episode II: Attack of the Clones
Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
Episode IV: A New Hope (Here comes Mark Hamill!)
Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

Next week: my beef on Three Colours: Red, White and Blue.
THEYRE FRENCH! OF COURSE THEY ARE GOING TO HAVE SUBTITLES!! AHHHH!

Pourquoi tu discutes?

USS GONZALEZ ENGAGES PIRATE MARAUDERS!!!!!

Hey all,
Hope you are doing great. I know I haven't posted here in a while, but i saw this and seriously started cracking up!!

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Off the coast of Somalia, US warships took RPG and small arms fire from pirate gunboats while on patrol to protect maritime sea vessels in the region.

The USS Gonzalez returned fire from its forward mounted 50 cal. machine guns killing one pirate and wounding three others as well as disabling the pirate skiff.

A Marine boarding party detained the remaining pirates and confiscated a large weapons cache.
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Its good to know that swashbuckling adventure is still alive on the high seas. ARRRRRGGH MATEY!.

More nipples

I have been educated.
Further edified.
And this nipple knowledge has come from a hitherto considered unlikely source of nippleorama.

It seems that it doesn't matter what you wear, as long as your nipples are covered, you will be perfectly warm, able o withstand the fiercest cold, the grimmest chill, the nippliest of ALL nipply weather!

Yes, boys and girls, nipples ARE the bodies heat source.
no longer will it be "little Jimmy, put some shoes, you'll catch your death of a cold", it will be "little jimmy, i've got something to slap on your chest, yes you don't have to wear long trousers".

Apparently, all those scantily clad young gels really WEREN'T cold in the middle of winter with bare arms and short skirts.

Thankyou Kells, for your further insight to human thermodynamics.

Because some of us seem to argue so much (i.e. Postmodernism: Martin Vs Kate), I thought it might be interesting to post this link to what is described as the worlds smallest quiz. Perhaps much of our arguments stem from deep routed political beliefs... or then again perhaps not.

http://www.self-gov.org/quiz.html

There was one problem however...

The hippie cult that runs this website got some of there definitions a tad wrong. Here for the viewing public are my corrections:

Conservative: (Right, not to say this is the answer, simply the direction they lean towards. If a large person, when boarding rollercoaster’s or the ‘vomitron’ be sure to stay on their left side, otherwise you will face the prospect of being crushed by their conservative centre of gravity, when banking around corners): Support traditional values, such as family morals, strong anti-drug laws and Friday night witch burnings in the town square.

Liberal (Left): …Not the Johnny Howard type… Plan to build a giant space station in outer space (of all places!). The Earth will be taken over by the national trust for conservation. Anyone not on the space station will be killed humanly, inserting a piece of lead into their brains through the aid of a gun. People should unite behind me as their supreme leader. Enough said.

Libertarian: People who made this quiz. Anarchists (not the good Sex Pistols kind, but the kind who make charts and go to group rallies to show how individual they are).

Statist: Tend to distrust the free market, support high taxes and centralized planning of the economy, oppose diverse lifestyles, and question the importance of civil liberties. Like to be chained up and whipped by random strangers.

Centrist: Idiots who can’t make up their mind. Donkey Voters. People who vote for the ‘lower excise and taxes on fuel and alcohol party’.

Fascist: Mussolini, Franco, anyone not in a Punk Band, Pyschotron

Communist (Commie): Psychotron (Formerly ‘Red Square’)

Quote of the day!

This comes from my lecturer, he is ace!

" I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure"

australian fiction

well, sam said. that's it, then.
that's what?
we stay.
you weren't really gunna sell, sam? said lester, squeezing off an allergenic chord.
no. some abo told me it wasn't worth the money. actually he said it was bad luck.
that was me! said dolly, and i'm no abo.
i dunno, i forget. it was election day. the bugger laughed when i asked him how he voted.
he didn't vote, said rose, matter of fact.
what?
blacks havn't got the vote, she said.
sam put his cup pn the saucer. jesus, that's a bit rough, isn't it? they need a union.
rose laughed.
well, he was shitty for a reason, then. he basically said i as pissweak.
remember which side of the corridor you're on! oriel bellowed. the language!
well, he was right, said dolly.
now, now, said lester.
more tea? asked elaine.
yairs. a toast.
what to?
to us, said lester. and this old place.
ere, ere.
god bless er, an all who sink in er.
gawd, he's gunna play the national anthem.
lester! give over.
fish, get your fingers out of it, let him play the song.
that's a royalist song. play an australian song.
they're all irish.
- Tim Winton

(too right.)