I don't like jelly. I don't trust the way it moves.

Shootout copy

2007-07-17T14:31:00.000+10:00

hello Shootout

2007-03-29T10:29:00.000+10:00

Here is a selection of the Best (or Worst) Computer Game box artwork covers.
See all 25 at:

http://au.pc.ign.com/articles/776/776398p1.html

(Crude Alert... Only Suitable for Janet) You know that with a nane like Trevor McFur, you are going to get a lot of pussy.

Space Battles with yokles? You bet!

And this one is for our favourite EMO. Heres to you Christoph...

New Blogger

2007-03-19T13:13:00.000+11:00

I dont know if anyone else is having this problem, but it seems that Blogger has been bought by google, so we need to all transfer our accounts to a google account or something, I did this and now I cant comment, it seems that Cheese has to transfer her account for it all to be hunky doory (or however you spell that). Anyways, I would like to comment I really would :-P but I cant.

Anyway here is a funny comic strip for anyone who played The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, which I think is me, and possibly Marty, so the rest of you, I'll put another funny cat pic with a caption.

Have a good one

Tim

Ooh La La!

2007-03-09T14:29:00.000+11:00

2007-03-02T11:37:00.000+11:00

Hello to those people who still read this thing.

College is a little boring, a lot of the interesting people have left.

Anyway, here are some photos if you want to look at them:
http://www4.snapfish.com.au/share/p=30911172794622789/l=230654440/g=80383989/cobrandOid=1024/otsc=SYE/otsi=SALB

However, the guy who took the photos of me in Cuba, has made me look like a mental kid. I swear, the sun was in my eyes in all of the photos...

In other news, I am shaving off my beard today... Too long have I looked like Ned Kelly...

Also... A free invitation to anyone who wants to visit me, and sleep on my floor, before uni work steps up a notch in the next few weeks.

See you all hopefully soon, sorry I missed you Tim but I had really bad Jet Lag.

Cuba

2007-02-11T09:41:00.000+11:00

It is the end of my Stint in lovely Costa Rica... on to Cuba and many photo's of me pretending to look like Che.

Hottest 100 Voting

2007-01-21T21:36:00.000+11:00

Heya guys, well I just voted, I'm just wondering what songs everyone else voted for, and what songs you reckon will make the top 10?

well here's what I voted for:

AFI - Miss Murder
Butterfly Effect - A Slow Descent
Peeping Tom - Mojo
Pendulum - Tarantula
Placebo - Song To Say Goodbye
Tool - The Pot
Tool - Vicarious
Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Cheated Hearts
Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Gold Lion
Pearl Jam - Worldwide Suicide

...let the hatin' begin.

I reckon 'dont feels like dancing much' or whatever will be up there, also Smile by Lily. Other then that I'm just hoping one of my songs makes it in the top ten, and at least 6 are in the top 100.

Cheers, Nispah.

Schnoogans.

Thought for the day.

2007-01-18T17:52:00.000+11:00

Ok, I haven't posted on Jelly for a while, and this really doesn't count because it has as much substance as one of Kate's of Caldie's (just kidding guys).

Today's thought for the day is really directed at the Toff, because we all know he wants to be one...

Schnoogans! Nispah!

slow connection.......a family email i have just copied cause i am lazy

2006-12-22T07:25:00.000+11:00

Hello from San Vito
The Fiesta has begun, and runs until the 2nd, so lucky for us, work has been suspended on the aquaduct. (Other projects have not been so lucky – But I will be working behind the bar, the local brew Imperial tastes pretty good).
The people in the town are very nice. The layout and feel is similar to Springfield in Northern Ireland. If you can´t find Bello Oriente on the map, its close to Agua Beuna, Copo Beuna, Campo Dos or Campo Tres (sic).
Very beautiful. Nice people. Wnet to a party last night for a young boy who finished primary school. Ate some excellent pork cooked over a wheel-rim BBQ.
It appears that in Costa Rica, it is normal to walk your farm animals, be they pig or cow, by a leash down the main street of town on the weekend. (Notably one of them was walked to the slaughter house… see above).
Will return to Australia with Diabeties. Costa Ricans really know how to make great desserts and ice creams. It doesn´t help that we live near a sugar cane farm.
Starting to think in spanglish.
Feliz Navidad
James

Bizarro Kells

2006-12-15T13:18:00.000+11:00

JAMES KELLS

Professor and Extension Weed Specialist
Department of Crop and Soil Sciences Michigan State University

I'm a Pretty Girl!

Farewell Good Buddy
Fast and Bulbous be thy journey

Che (...it means friend)

2006-12-03T13:23:00.000+11:00

I leave on Monday 4th of December, bound for adventure and comminist climes.

Adios to you all untill I return well into the new year.

Have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year (Break into Fort Scratchleys again, and I will say a toast to you all as the sun rises on my side of the world).

James W.C Kells

Also...
Happy Birthday to Cupitt and Gibbo plus anyone else... I will bring you back a Cuban Cigar.

I have one last purchase i will need to buy when in Cuba, so in the immortal words of Batman,

"You sold a pre atomic submarine to someone called P.N.Guin, who didn't leave their whole street address"

Merry Christmas... I mean Jelly Christmas

2006-11-28T09:38:00.000+11:00

Scrubs

2006-11-18T12:24:00.000+11:00

After careful viewing, I believe that so far the best scrubs episode is season 2 'His Story'. We have...

* Dr Cox Narration
* J.D Running around in circles with sparklers everytime Turk asks Carla to marry him.
* The Janitor climbing down a lift shaft to annoy J.D
* J.D singing 'Everybody was Kung-fu fighting' while Dr Cox's therapist calls him the smartest man in the hospital.

and my favourite

COX: "Alright, try this one on for size. No matter where you go in life, always keep a lookout for Johnny the tackling alziemers (sic) patient"

J.D: "Whats that supposed to mean?"

Johnny the tackling alziemers (sic) patient: "Whooo ammmm I??????"

J.D: "Arggg" (as he is talked from behind by Johnny)

The Big J.E.J

2006-11-17T15:37:00.000+11:00

Make sure you watch this video,... just ignore the ads on the webpage.

It is James Earl Jones voice for his other movies, but as the one and only Darth Vader.

This video is dedicated to the shirt that Cheese gave me for my birthday.

http://www.abum.com/show/7831/darth_vader.html

Thought of the Day

2006-11-17T13:59:00.000+11:00

A truck and a plane leave from Newcastle and Sydney respectively. The truck, Optimus Prime is travelling at 110km/h. The plane, Starscream is travelling due north at 200km/h. If you were sitting in Optimus Prime's cabin, and you change the radio station presets, is this a form of sexual harassment that should be reported to the relevant authorities? (I dunno, the Mechanics Association).

Australia says no.

Which is the best international lineup for a bdo?

2006-11-15T12:02:00.000+11:00

2007
Tool
Muse
Violent Femmes
The Steets
The Killers
My Chemical Romance
Peaches & Herms
Trivium
Lilly Allen

2006
THE WHITE STRIPES
IGGY & THE STOOGES
FRANZ FERDINAND
KINGS OF LEON
THE MARS VOLTA
HENRY ROLLINS (spoken word)
THE MAGIC NUMBERS
MUDVAYNE
THE GO! TEAM

2005
BEASTIE BOYS
CHEMICAL BROTHERS
SYSTEM OF A DOWN
THE MUSIC
THE STREETS
SLIPKNOT
HATEBREED
THE HIVES
POLYPHONIC SPREE

2004
METALLICA
MUSE
THE DANDY WARHOLS
BLACK EYED PEAS
THE DARKNESS
KINGS OF LEON
THE STROKES
THE MARS VOLTA
THE FLAMING LIPS
PEACHES
FEAR FACTORY

2003
DEFTONES
QUEENS OF THE STONEAGE
MURDERDOLLS
PJ HARVEY
SPARTA
WILCO
FOO FIGHTERS
KRAFTWERK
THE MUSIC
JANES ADDICTION

2002
The Prodigy
Garbage
New Order
NOFX
Jurassic 5
System of a Down
The White Stripes
Peaches
The Tea Party
Tomahawk

2001
AT THE DRIVE-IN
BLACK EYED PEAS
COLDPLAY
HAPPY MONDAYS
LIMP BIZKIT
MUDVAYNE
PJ HARVEY
PLACEBO
QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE
RAMMSTEIN

2000
ATARI TEENAGE RIOT
BLINK 182
THE CHEMICAL BROTHERS
FOO FIGHTERS
NINE INCH NAILS
PRIMAL SCREAM (Aust.only)
RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS

1999
ASH
FATBOY SLIM
KORN
MARILYN MANSON
SOULFLY

1997
SOUNDGARDEN
THE OFFSPRING
THE PRODIGY
FEAR FACTORY
SUPERGRASS
LEMONHEADS
PATTI SMITH
APHEX TWIN

1996
RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
THE PRODIGY
BILLY BRAGG

1995
MINISTRY
PRIMAL SCREAM
OFFSRPING
SCREAMING TREES

1994
SOUNDGARDEN
THE RAMONES
BJORK
SMASHING PUMPKINS
PRIMUS

1993
IGGY POP
SONIC YOUTH
MUDHONEY

1992
NIRVANA
VIOLENT FEMMES

For Tim and Caldy and the Gods of Procrastination

2006-11-13T09:39:00.000+11:00

I was in the city the other day, and despite the hoards of smelly little kids, I couldn't resist the temptation of buying the Eldar codex - I am truly a nerd.

Despite what some people are saying, this is a big rewrite. Two new units, one new psych power, changes to unit classifications, powers and abilities. Generally speaking I don't think any Eldar player is going to field the exact same force that they used to field before, even though all of the old craftworlds can still be constructed with this codex (although I have lost my 3 extra Farseer's and augment power... it looks like the days of my Seer Council are over). applause from Tim and the Gibbo's

Some of my favourite changes include:

1: The Avatar has more close combat attacks... and a gun.
2: The Wraithlord has fewer close combat attacks... and a sword.

Go Figure.

More details can be discussed when I crush you with my revamped list when I get back to newy.

if it means anything to you

2006-11-10T16:48:00.000+11:00

Set 1 Release, Rearviewmirror, Severed Hand, Corduroy, World Wide Suicide, Animal, Marker In The Sand, Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town, Given To Fly, I Got Id, Daughter/(W.M.A.), Big Wave, Grievance, Wasted Reprise, Better Man, Do The Evolution
Encore 1 Man Of The Hour, Nothingman, Gone, Black, Alive
Encore 2 Go, Why Go, Throw Your Hatred Down, Rockin' In The Free World

didnt i hear even flow? all awesome songs. they come out and do a sit down set for encore 1 and then after gone say "we're changing plans, screw tommorow night" and proceed to rock out. best concert i will ever see

One for Kells. And Cawdy. And Jelly.

2006-11-09T14:30:00.000+11:00

I miss Dr Who.

I was very upset when the series ended, I though that I wasn't going to like David Tenant BUT he was great.

The series started off really slow but was brilliant from the Satan's Pit double. The series was great, however, when it combined two of my favorite things - ELO and 'Elton' (that guy from The Hustle)!

Our Jelly Pet

2006-11-01T11:22:00.000+11:00

adopt your own virtual pet!

Dead, but still killin'

2006-10-28T15:11:00.000+10:00

I think it is time for a case study into how much God and Jesus loved Halo (and Halo 2 of course). Basically, the big-man's love can be seen in his commandments that he handed down to man. Here I have included them, with God's clarifications on how they really related to Halo.

Do not worship any other gods – Halo is the only one for you baby!
You shall not make for yourself any graven image – No guessing what the Master chief looks like.
Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain – No smack-talking against The Guardians, when they totally Pwn your candy-arse! r0x0rs!
Remember the Sabbath day, and keep it holy – This day is not for girlfriend or family or uni work, but for Halo.
Honor your father and your mother – For they let you borrow the huge LCD to play with.
You shall not murder – (God’s just fuckin’ wit’ his enemies here!)
You shall not commit adultery – Cause you won’t have time for Halo!
You shall not steal – Thou shall respect your superior teammates, not taking their rocket launcher/shotgun/sniper. It's plasma pistol for you n00b!
You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor – For he brings his LCD and four Controllers!
You shall not covet – You should have taken the tank first, n00b!

Finally how that guy with the beard loved Halo. Well there's a passage in the bible (somewhere towards the back, I think) that reads:

"...and, yay, Jesus did exit the green room in Lockout, where Judas was waiting for him with a shotgun. "You fuckin' campin' bitch!" Jesus exclaimed. "It's a legitimate strategy" Judas responded. And Jesus did release the plasma grenades, and he did stick the entire red team, which consisted of 10 players ('cause he's Jesus!), and he did win CS again for the 777th time in a row. And for just a moment, the snowflakes in Lockout did turn to doves, and there was much rejoicing. And there was much feasting upon the goat, the carp, the anchovy, the orangutan…”

Clearly I have made my point, and I have too much time on my hands...Nispah

Tim

Ride the spiral.

yay

2006-10-19T13:02:00.000+10:00

2006-10-17T19:01:00.000+10:00

Cool video guys, feel the love

I luv yas all. Nispah!

2006-10-17T16:48:00.000+10:00

You just know what that grin's about.

Brain, Basketcase, Athlete, Princess and Criminal Dancing...

2006-10-09T16:48:00.000+10:00

2006-10-05T15:26:00.000+10:00

"I'm for Genaro's, but what do I know? I'm a bear! I suck the heads off fish!"

-Sorry people I couldn't find the proper Genaro's bear

yay for rolling stones...

2006-10-05T11:18:00.000+10:00

why boys shouldn't wear tight jeans....

How to lose a girlfriend in one easy step

2006-10-04T16:33:00.000+10:00

1. arrange to meet at a nice restaurant

2. show up wearing this

3. who needs armani when you have ATARI!

4. refrain from asking people to touch your joystick

5. "By the way, I also like Doctor Who"

6. watch as she runs screaming from the room

7. reassure other diners that it wasn't the food, that she was just realising that different coloured m&ms actually taste the same

close it. yes thats right. you know you want to

2006-10-04T16:26:00.000+10:00

apparently this stage was built for an opera on a lake but it seems too good to be true. what do you think, is it real?

Nice Photo

2006-09-28T17:29:00.000+10:00

C: Plus some bloke trying to strangle her...

Keep it Poppin'

2006-09-20T13:39:00.000+10:00

Here's just a silly post to keep this blog moving. It's a high school band performing the halo 2 theme at a talent show, it's most cool. Just follow this link:

http://www.kotaku.com/gaming/clips/halo-theme-performed-at-hi%20gh-school-talent-show-200382.php

Enjoy.

Tim

He Speaks!

2006-09-13T01:32:00.000+10:00

Well hello there kids of the netherworld,
How the hell is ya'll?
Im breaking my elongated hybernation on blogger purely cause im jelous everyone else gets to talk to kells and i dont.

So here goes, first off NICE SUIT KELLS.
You knows i love a good suit
Cawldy wrote a song yesterday that ryhmed Orange with Lozinge and Silver with Wilbur, and also mentions the fact that Sammy Cahn (the guy who wrote "let it snow", notorious rhyme nazi) Sucks.
Needless to say, with my punk alt acoustic guitar and a 3 part harmony, it is the best song in the world.
if i can figure out how i'll post it here somewhere for all you kids with broadband.
For all those with Dialup... GETTA JOB.

Speaking of which i have sold my soul to SATAN and am about to embark on a fruitful career in telemarketing. Yep.

ME: Would you liek some wine sir?

Cust: You f**king son of a bitch, you whore, Im going to f**king kill you you f**kwit F**k offf f**k f**k f**k you stupid little prick get a real job and leave decent people alone to eat there dinner.

ME: So.... No

Cust: F**k.

And then i guess i'll start pretending to be an indian.

Cust: Hello?

Me:...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................Halooyouhavewonaspectacularprizeofeitheracameraorafreeholidayallyouhavetodoisanswerafewquestionsregardingyourageheightandwetherornotyouareanazithenwemayprosideok?

so yeah, funtimes.

Question for the kells monster. You still coming home sunday. Lets meet up for dinner drinks or somethin and you can fill us in on your crazy adventures in South London.
That is if your not TO GOOD for your old friends.

Well...thats all i got

Maybe i'll write again

MAYBE!!!!!

MT

II AM HERMITBILL

2006-09-12T17:10:00.000+10:00

Apparently, hermits are discreet, and eschew company.
I therefore feel like a little bit of a fuckup.
So, in order toindulge in some non-indiscreetness...

so, kells.

Nudge nudge. Wink wink. What's the story?

Evillincoln is also bitching about your lack of cohesive story-telling.

SPILL!

love,
Hermitbill

Pick the Seppo (Actually they all are...)

2006-09-09T19:21:00.000+10:00

O.K, there was some confusion about who is who on Friday night, so let's play a game:

Match the faces (1,2,3) with the names (A,B,C). The first person to answer correctly will win a mystery prize!

Good Luck....

1: Myself looking dapper, with mystery woman #1

2: Mystery woman # 2, with the real Mike Cran. (This guy downloads rap beats, then freestyles over the top of them... He has been banned from playing his music within College grounds).

3: A very artistic shot... Will search for a better photo.

Names:

a) Amy

b) Kitty

c) Megan

Bonus points will be awarded for creativity. Good Luck.

I'm back! Baby.

2006-09-05T11:38:00.000+10:00

After a short hiatus the monkey is back on jelly (well I didn't think I was fully rehabilitated, but I guess they needed the extra bed). I can promise you more Futurama quoting, more tool lyrics, and more incomprehensible jokes that no one gets apart from me (and maybe Lincoln).

To Kells, and other Red Ballooners, I have completed a compilation DVD of all Red Balloon Productions' films. With a very special Red Balloon Productions menu (ok, not that special). If you would like a copy, please give me a blank 2 hr DVD-R (I think), like Dyl did, and then just keep waiting for me to get off my ass, like Dyl is.

Well, strangely I can't think of much else to say... So I'll just leave you with a Futurama quote and some tool Lyrics.

Ride the spiral.

Tim.

Fry: Amy, you know how at first you like chocolate, but then you start to get tired of it because it always wants to hang-out with you and stuff?
Amy: Huh? You don't like chocolate?
Fry: Will chocolate just let me finish?

" Overwhelmed as one would be placed in my position...Such a heavy burden now to be the one...Born to bear and bring to all the details of our ending."

Also...

2006-09-04T19:20:00.000+10:00

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE FOX POEM?

I am a Helpful Hermit!

2006-09-04T19:16:00.000+10:00

I performed a task today that I am sure will improve the Creativity of my Workspace.
Or, more to the point, I cleaned the tea-room microwave.
Well may you scoff!
HA-HA, how does that help?!
Let us explore this matter further.
This morning, I was in the office for 10 minutes in between being in the dungeon and in a meeting. In that time, two people near me had an 8-minute long conversation about the state of the microwave (and how it wasn't their fault, as they only heated things with lids, and how disgusting is it, and it's not my fault).
Last Friday, I was aware (and i was only the office for a short amount of time, t<1 hour, as I was, once again, in the dungeon) of three other people (along with the two from today) also complaining about the state of the microwave. Unfortunately, as I was quite busy, I neglected to time them. (Whereas today I was waiting for my *&^%$^& computer to start).

It took me less than five minutes to clean it this afternoon.
Admittedly, it took quite a lot of spray'n'wipe, but now my coworkers will have to extend their imaginations to find some other petty, easily remedied problem to bitch about.

Tim wants you to know tool tours in january

2006-08-31T11:58:00.000+10:00

ROSETTA STONED
All righty then... picture this if you will...
10 to 2 am, X, yogi DMT, and a box of krispy kreme's in my "need to know" pose just outside of area 51, contemplating the whole chosen people thingy when just then a flaming stealth banana split the sky like one would hope but never really expect to see in a place like this. Cutting right angle donuts on a dime and stopping right at my birkinstocks, and me yelping "holy fuckin' shit!"

then the X file being, looking like some kinda blue green Jackie chan, with Isabella Rossellini lips, and breath that reeked of vanilla chig champa, did a slow mo matrix decent outta the butt end of the banana vessel, and hovered above my bug eyes, my gaping jaw, and my sweaty elron hubbard upper lip and all I could think was, "I hope uncle martin here doesn't notice that I pissed my fuckin pants!!"

so light in his way, like an apparition, that he had me crying out...
"fuck me! It's gotta be the dead head chemistry. (the) blotter got right on top o' me. Got me seeing E mutha fuckin T!

and after calming me down with some orange slices and some fetal spooning, E.T. revealed to me his singular purpose. He said. "you are the chosen one. The one who will deliver the message. A message of hope for those who choose to hear it, and a warning for those who do not." Me! The chosen one. They chose me!!!! And I didn't even graduate from fuckin' high school!!

Then he looked right through me with somniferous almond eyes. Don't even know what that means. Must remember to write it down.
This is so real. Like the time Dave floated away. See, my heart is pounding. cuz this shit never happens to me.
Can't breathe right now.

It was so real. Like I woke up in wonderland. all sorta terrifying. I don't wanna be alone while I tell this story.
And can anyone tell me why y'all sound like peanuts parents?
Will I ever be coming down?
This is so real. Finally it's my lucky day See, my heart is racing cuz this shit never happens to me.
Can't breathe right now.

You believe me don't you? Please believe what I've just said. See, the dead ain't touring and this wasn't all in my head. see they took me by the hand and invited me right in. then they showed me something. I don't even know where to begin.

Strapped down to my bed, feet cold and eyes red.
I'm out of my head am I alive? Am I dead.
Can't remember what they said. God damn. Shit the bed.
Overwhelmed as one would be placed in my position...
Such a heavy burden now to be the one
Born to bear and bring to all the details of our ending.
to write it down for all the world to see.
But I forgot my pen. Shit the bed again. Typical.

Strapped down to my bed, feet cold and eyes red.
I'm out of my head am I alive? Am I dead.
Sun kissed and Sudafed Gyro scopes and infrared
won't help. I'm brain dead. Can't remember what they said.
God damn. Shit the bed.

Can't remember what they said to me.
Can't remember what they said to make me out to be the hero.
Can't remember what they said.
Bob help me.
Can't remember what they said.

We don't know and we won't know.
God damn shit the bed.

The week that was... By popular demand...

2006-08-28T14:08:00.000+10:00

- By James W.C. Kells [Current Bass player for Pyschotron (?)]

Monday: ADS meeting. Decided that the DLC "Conception Day T-Shirts" (Think Autonomy Day, But with 'Youth Group' and 10,000 other people) would be in (very specific) 'Highlighter-Pink' with the slogan 'Get it out, and get it angry' and 'Drop bears, consuming Seppo's since 1971'. *

Tuesday: Finished some assignments.

Wednesday: Went to the Ranch (the locally (and only) Bar). Some dancing involved - I hate dancing.

Thursday: Playboy party at the Sam Bar. Megan slicked my hair back for the event. The Dutch Girls said it looked good, but I still had a nagging feeling that I felt a little like Max Long. Before going out Kitty my neighbour (Yes that is her real name), came into my room to use my mirror.

Int. Night: Room 344
Kitty walks in wearing noting but a see through negligee

Kitty
"Do I look hot in this?"

James
"Ahh, yes…"

Kitty
"I mean would you fuck me if I was wearing this"

James
"…"

Kitty
"I think I will wear this tonight"

James
"…"

Int. Night: Very Cold Shower

James
"…"

Friday: Saw "Snakes on a Plane" - MUST SEE MOVIE!! "I am tired of this god-dam plane, and I am tired of these god-dam mother f*cking snakes!" Journeyed to the Observatory on Campus with Suzanne and Amy. Wanting to be ready to go out latter, they were wearing dresses and high-healed shoes. Rain, a large pile of mulch, and a lack of direction caused some adventures. After returning to civilisation went to 'Lacita' (sic) in the city, a South American dance club, for Carlos's birthday. Much close dancing and Sangria involved - I like dancing **. Caught taxi home with Amy at approx. 4pm, she was basically out of it. I felt for her as she had to leave DLC at 8am to go to the Blue Mountains ***.

Saturday: Went to Glebe markets, ate some sushi and watched I Heart Huckabees. Accidentally locked myself out of my room. Tried to blame the messy state of my room on nihilist bedroom terrorists. Currently bean bag balls are migrating down the corridor at an alarming rate. I am not sure where they came from, but I blame a mixture of illegal drugs, alcohol and the Indian boyz that live at the end of the hall.

Sunday: Field trip to Narrabeen for GEOS115. Looked at sand deposits and some fossils for 3.5hours. A little boring, but returned to collage with a lot of paperweights.

Added Notes to consume at your leisure:

* Also Kitty decided to have sex in the hallway outside my door. Slightly disturbing as my door was open at the time.

** Yep - That’s all you're getting (…and me I feel…)

*** Just discovered she actually threw-up on the bus ride there, very funny especially if you have seen SNAKES ON A PLANE!

The question on everybody's lips:

2006-08-25T14:02:00.000+10:00

WELL, KELLS?

What is your website worth?

2006-08-16T21:42:00.000+10:00

I dont like jelly : $27 (maybe i could sell it and buy a cd?)
The wonderful world of cheese: $77 (good going kate)
and my blog my evil plan: $0 (well im not really suprised)
For comparison i looked up google.com which has a worth of
wait for it
$14409
Yes even though its shares are worth $80 the website is worth less than a new corolla
So I rechecked it and i got a new valuation of google.com : $14543, and it remained at that value for all subsequent checks. So i thought to myself, ill recheck cheese's blog to see if i get a different answer. which i did.
$20352
Cheese's blog is officially worth more than google

Ned and Neighbours

2006-08-11T13:56:00.000+10:00

I hate ned on Neighbours.... he is spoiling a GOOD QUALITY AUSTRALIAN drama!

Books for Ladies

2006-08-07T20:51:00.000+10:00

So, I was in the library earlier, looking for some lighter than light reading, thinking that maybe, yes, I would borrow some "women's fiction" because it's like chocolate for the brain. Well..... maybe not chocolate. Maybe marshmallows. (Anyway, some women's fiction is quite okay. As long as you don't think about old ladies' writing sex scenes. It just gets seamy.) Anyway, looking for some light reading, so I'm canvassing the paperback section, when what do I find, complete with lurid cover? Vampire Highlanders.
What, they bite your neck, and stop the bleeding with their plaid? How is that sexy?
Besides, I thought Scots were allegedly sexy due to their rugged, ultramanly manliness. Which kind of makes an interesting dichotomy, given that I always thought vampires were much more... well, pansies.
Who, admittedly, could rip your arm off with their feet, but that's beside the point.
Needless to say, I borrowed The Pirates! In an adventure with Ahab instead.

Random Comments to make Tim Jelous: 1

2006-08-07T09:32:00.000+10:00

Random Comments to make Tim Jealous: 1

Today I met a Japanese student staying at the college called Tetsuya. He arrived with 17 other students to learn English in Australia. Unlike his classmates he didn't sit huddled in the corner, but in broken English he handed out photographs of himself with his name and email address on the back. I thought this was very cool (I have a limited edition surveying the Tai coast on a cold day Tetsuya masterpiece). After talking to him for a while, he saw I was wearing my Fidel Castro jacket with the Japanese writing. His translation was "those are some letters, but that makes no idea".

But to the point, He asked me "you like Japanese grls? I talk with them to you"

2006-08-05T22:16:00.000+10:00

Hypothetical Situation:

This friend of a friend of mine liked a person of the opposite sex.

1. Is it o.k. if you didn't make an obvious 'move' on them, after talking to them for a good 2 to 4 hours?

2. Is it good that they also seem to have a desire to talk to you the next day when next you meet in the shopping centre?

3. Is it good that their idea of fun is to go to the contemporary museum in the city?

4. What is a 'move', what makes it so 'obvious', and could 9 out of ten 'meeples' tell the difference?

Signed,
Random person trying to sell products on the internet.

P.S
I live in room 344 - 3 East, aptly nicknamed 'the Ghetto'.

All about me!

2006-07-31T19:37:00.000+10:00

This is a floorplan of my room (Note: Not to scale)

Also to Caldie, I am speaking from the other side... wooo...wooo... (other scary ghost sounds etc...).

Now i must leave to go to the common room and drink free beer.. Cheers!

cheesy

2006-07-13T15:40:00.000+10:00

hey guys add katie cheese she needs more friends!

www.myspace.com/cheeseishere

unfair spongebob accusations

2006-07-12T23:21:00.001+10:00

the fundamentalist christians have done it again

they have turned spongebob's head upside-down so that it looks like erect male genitalia (allegedly) just so they can poo-poo the poor sea sponge's awesomely outstanding good name. i feel sorry for the little kiddies of these crazy (obviously bored) individuals who are being denied their daily after school dose of under-sea good humour :(

for the full story go here
www.landoverbaptist.org/ news0403/spongebob.html

unfair spongebob accusations

2006-07-12T23:21:00.000+10:00

2006-06-22T10:46:00.000+10:00

sufjan

2006-06-21T11:48:00.000+10:00

say it 5 times, slowly.
sufjan.
not only beautiful, but moving (and not to be too shallow, but he's hot too check it out:
)

this man's music makes me happy and sad all at once, transports me to chicago and makes me believe that i really am anywhere but here. i cant thank him enough.

and remember kids, no matter what google image search tells you, this:

is not sufjan, but in fact ziggy stardust

"here am i sitting in a tin can
high above the world
planet earth is blue
and there's nothing I can do"

*guitar solo* der der der der der da deh deh! YEAH!

not

"And I cried myself to sleep last night
For the Earth, and materials, they may sound just right to me
Even with the rest belated, everything is antiquated
Are you writing from the heart?
Are you writing from the heart?"

how random is ipod shuffle???

2006-06-03T09:39:00.000+10:00

the other day i thought to myself "i'm in a depeche mode mood. but i really can't be arsed with all that button pressing & wheel turning" so instead i clicked on shuffle (actually 'brani casuali' - archimedes is italian at the moment). out of over 4000 songs he chose to play depeche mode!

and that's not all. even though none if my music is sorted into genres (i don't like to categorise that way) archimedes often chooses similar sounding tunes, he looooves playing me long lists of raucous grrrly music.

he sometimes follows a song with another that has a connection - like yesterday he played the breeders then the kelley deal 6000 straight after!

if i'm thinking about a certain person he'll play something that they loved or that totally relates to how i feel about them.

i can't tell you how many hours i have spent pondering this question. has anyone had similar experiences? or are me & my love just so in tune that we are becoming one?

The New Inventor

2006-05-18T12:25:00.000+10:00

Is James Kells moonlighting as James Bradfeild Moody on ABC TV's "The New Inventors"???

Black and White

2006-05-12T10:10:00.000+10:00

2006-05-10T17:04:00.000+10:00

Nazis with jet-packs are uberslick

2006-05-09T15:47:00.000+10:00

Da Vinci code needs a poke up the arse with a (muffled).

Seriously.
I was excessively disappointed.
After all the hype, I somewhat belatedly read The Da Vinci Code. And yes, I was expecting it to read something like a Matthew Riley book - all action, no thought provocation.
I wasn't expecting it to be the most stimulating books around, but I thought it might live up to the hype in a sort of blockbuster way - all bash and no brain.
I cannot begin to explore the levels of shiteness of this (and I would've gone for something intellectual, but I'm getting all worked up) so I'll settle for shiteing shiteness.
It may have been provocative - except he made a reasonable amount up, and what wasn't made up was based on what other people had made up. The writing style! (Apologies to all those who have already heard me rave). Each chapter attempted to be a cliff hanger - read: each chapter was horribly, utterly disjointed.

Rat Scabies and the quest for the holy grail was much better.
How much better?
Bout a fousand!
No.
Bout a googleplex.
No more bestsellers for me.

Nazis with jetpacks: are they cool?

2006-04-28T15:00:00.000+10:00

Reading about cheese's netball antics reminds me of indoor soccer wher there are 4 kinds of players we play against on a regular basis
1. Crap players. By far the best kind. I also put average and middling to good players in this catagory because i ran out of catagories. Here's a tip kids, don't limit yourself to 4 types of people because there's really like 6 or 7.
2. Good players. As above except they kick our asses. Both types are fun to play the crap players cos you win and the good players because you learn something. something about incredible ass-pain.
3. Fat players. these are ok except that when they tackle you they tend to body check you and you bounce off into walls and such.
4. Wogs. They either are good or think they are and they are all psycho. I'm not being racist because its true.
Last friday we played a team that had a wog in it. They beat us 8-3 and during the game the guy got really mad at us when we got the ball off him, and would shove us when we had the ball, and he kicked our goalkeeper (me) when the ref wasn't looking. Then he got even more mad when the ref kept on giving us free kicks and complained how the ref was against them. after the game one of our guys went out to the carpark and the wog tried to start a fight with our team.
at this stage ive forgotten the point of this whole thing but i remember it had something to do with death riding a bi-sickle

Fact!

2006-04-25T17:47:00.000+10:00

Do you speak Spanish is...

¿Habla usted español?

...

Now all I need is a Spanish Language Book where I can get past the first test/lesson.

...

On a good note, I can now have a converstaion with that drunk bloke in The Grand.

...

On a bad note the sentence is useless to me, as it is the only thing that I know how to say. Much like the reverse of that Spanish dude in Family Guy, whose complete knowledge of English, was knowing how to say his name, correct Brians poor Spanish grammer then explain that they were the only two phrases he knew in English.

¡Sí! Adiós.

Lost?

2006-04-09T12:12:00.000+10:00

I don't want to alarm anyone, but i may well have found Jo Murry's long lost twin sister.

Scary but true.

For a long time now, i have been operating with the theory that Wollongong is some kind of mirror image anti-newcastle. (With more bogans)

She was a vegan with redish hair, an enthusiastic op-shopper, her voice sounded just like Jo's, and was a part time clown/pirate/ninja.

Name the number of people who will come up to you and say...

"Hey, high fives have become passe. Lets make them cool again! High Five!"

Highlander was wrong...

...there is more than one......

2006-04-06T14:05:00.000+10:00

Katie-cheese has been complaining that
(a) this blog doesn't recieve attention or as many comments as others (ahem, like mine?)
(b) and that no one contributes enough

So to kill a few birds, I'm posting something SHE wrote which I'm will strike a chord with most of you. Enjoy.

Stare straight ahead. Don’t even think about looking at your father. Keep your eyes fixed on the television screen. The show can’t last forever.

Sunday nights are ever constant. Offering roast dinners, banter around the table, inane questions resulting in answers already known, and after dinner settling around the TV watching period dramas on the ABC.

It’s the end of the night that bothers me. There is nothing more awkward as sitting through a sex scene with your parent. “ Contains a sex scene” is the dreaded warning that precedes the program; the booming voice of the warning haunts me throughout the program.

When will this gratuitous sex pop up?

In silence we wait. I begin to wonder what my Dad is thinking. Whether the moments that we share will embarrass him and if he will leave the room to avoid the painful situation. There are some things that are unspoken and will remain unspoken between father and daughter.

At last the scene arrives. Unbearable silence. My eyes are fixed on the telly, I repeat my mantra “Don’t cough, Don’t move, Act normal”. My father doesn’t move either. The ABC has changed. When I was young there was never any sex on our public broadcaster, now sex fills the ABC’s agenda, what sacrilege to show a period drama with sex on a Sunday night.

The three minutes of sex seems to last a lifetime. My mind is alert to any movement from my father. I’m worried about what he is thinking. We as children know, of course, that parents are asexual beings. It’s cruel but true: fathers have never engaged in intercourse.

And then it is over. The unspoken is never referred to; and it’s a relief. Perhaps forever we will fall into our routine, painstakingly avoiding these awkward situations, or at least until next Sunday.

A REPLY TO THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF CHEESE, By James WC Kells esq.

2006-04-05T21:51:00.000+10:00

From the person who owns 8 Flaming Lips CD/DVD’s I applaud you for your sound choice of music (I have only 4 left to buy, At War with the Mystics comes out on MONDAY!!! YEAH!).

The Flaming Lips are the only band that can present uplifting or depressing topics under a cover of nonsensical giddy lyrics and high pitched happy sounds.

For Example…

Christmas At The Zoo... (Clouds taste Metallic)
There wasn't any snow on Christmas eve and I knew what Ishould do,
I thought I'd free the animals all locked up at the zoo,
I opened up the fence where the peacocks were,
the lamas wereunleashed the snakes and seals could all get out,
but they Refused to leave....
All of the animals agreed they're not happy at the zoos
But they preferred to save themselves, they seemed to think they could...
The elephants, orangutans, all the birds and kangaroos all saidthanks but no thanks man,
but to be concerned is good...
It started to snow on Christmas Eve in the middle of the nightwalkin through the state park zoo and everything is white...

Or one of my favourites…

Race for the Prize... (Soft Bulletin)
Two scientists were racing
For the good of all mankind
Both of them side by side
So Determined
Locked in heated battle
For the cure that is their prize
But it's so dangerous
But they're determined
Theirs is to win
If it kills them
They're just humans
With wives and children
Upwards to the vanguard
Where the pressure is too high
Under the microscope
Hope against hope
Forging for the future
But to sarcrifice their lives
Both of them side by side
So determined
Theirs is to winIf it kills them
They're just humans
With wives and children
Theirs is to win
It will kill them
They're just humans
With wives and children

I won't force my opinion about their respective messages, but i suggest you listen to the songs so that you see how the band manages to bury the ideas in your head without you noticing...

And remember…
... I got yer package it was all a mess, lightning strikes the postman in his chest, I hope that you remember the things you had to say, it's just a supernatural delay...
(Take that Tool lyrics!)

Sodding Simpsons.

2006-04-03T11:13:00.000+10:00

You read a sufficiently nerdy science/tech site.
OF COURSE there will be some Simpsons reference.
In this case, it's that the Simpsons moofie is going to be released July 2008 in the US.
And that there are two more series to come.
Dammit, why don't they (where they = ALL teev people) make more series of GOOD shows- like The Samurai. Come on. It rocked.

I have three tickets - who wants to come?

2006-04-03T11:03:00.000+10:00

Your seats are now confirmed for the studio audience of The Chaser's War on Everything on Thursday 6th April .Please meet in the foyer of the ABC studios at 700 Harris Street, Ultimo for the audience call at 6.00pm. You will need to check in at The Chaser audience podium in the foyer, on ground level. There are no tickets, your original booking name is on our audience list.The show should last around two hours and all members of our audience must be 16 years and over. Please just let us know if you are unable to attend by emailing chaser.war@abc.net.auWhilst there is no parking available at the ABC, there is paid parking adjacent at the Carlton Crest Hotel, 179 Thomas Street, cross street is Quay Street, Haymarket and Central Station is a ten-minute walk away.There is no food or drink allowed in the studio, so please eat beforehand if you need to. The studio can also get quite cold, so please bring something warm to wear, if you feel the cold. Also we do not allow recording devices in our studio record. You may be required to present your bag for inspection.We look forward to seeing you there.

2006-03-31T17:38:00.000+11:00

And thats all I have to say...

2006-03-27T11:53:00.000+11:00

boeuf

2006-03-25T12:27:00.000+11:00

Here is my boeuf.
As of this week i have decided that George Lucas is my sworn enemy. If the man is such a genious why oh why did he have to make the lives of every video shop employee a living hell? He writes a 9 part saga, but swears only ever to make parts 4, 5 and 6. This is fine. The nerds are happy, George buys a huge ranch, Harrison Ford shoots onto the hollywood scene and Mark Hamill is brought to the attention of the producers/writers of The Simpsons so they have someone to write gags about for the next 3 centuries (or however the hell long that show really has been running). All in all the world is a better place.
BUT WAIT! CGI is invented and George Lucas starts getting fantastic ideas in his head like "What if i made the first 3 parts of my 9-part saga so i can buy another ranch?!!"
NO GEORGE DONT DO IT!! Too late.
He did and now I have to put up with idiotic questions like "Is A New Hope the first Star Wars movie?" Yes. No. Yes. The answer is yes, it is, if you want to watch the series in the order in which the films were made. The answer is "No you great bafoon!!", if you want to watch the saga in its own 'chronological' intirety.
As a video shop employee, I am compelled to advise the general public to study up on their Star Wars knowledge before asking me any questions riddled with bafoonery.

Here is your guide to the episodes:
Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Episode II: Attack of the Clones
Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
Episode IV: A New Hope (Here comes Mark Hamill!)
Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

Next week: my beef on Three Colours: Red, White and Blue.
THEYRE FRENCH! OF COURSE THEY ARE GOING TO HAVE SUBTITLES!! AHHHH!

Pourquoi tu discutes?

USS GONZALEZ ENGAGES PIRATE MARAUDERS!!!!!

2006-03-19T13:01:00.000+11:00

Hey all,
Hope you are doing great. I know I haven't posted here in a while, but i saw this and seriously started cracking up!!

-------------------------
Off the coast of Somalia, US warships took RPG and small arms fire from pirate gunboats while on patrol to protect maritime sea vessels in the region.

The USS Gonzalez returned fire from its forward mounted 50 cal. machine guns killing one pirate and wounding three others as well as disabling the pirate skiff.

A Marine boarding party detained the remaining pirates and confiscated a large weapons cache.
-------------------------

Its good to know that swashbuckling adventure is still alive on the high seas. ARRRRRGGH MATEY!.

More nipples

2006-03-13T16:26:00.000+11:00

I have been educated.
Further edified.
And this nipple knowledge has come from a hitherto considered unlikely source of nippleorama.

It seems that it doesn't matter what you wear, as long as your nipples are covered, you will be perfectly warm, able o withstand the fiercest cold, the grimmest chill, the nippliest of ALL nipply weather!

Yes, boys and girls, nipples ARE the bodies heat source.
no longer will it be "little Jimmy, put some shoes, you'll catch your death of a cold", it will be "little jimmy, i've got something to slap on your chest, yes you don't have to wear long trousers".

Apparently, all those scantily clad young gels really WEREN'T cold in the middle of winter with bare arms and short skirts.

Thankyou Kells, for your further insight to human thermodynamics.

2006-03-10T22:17:00.000+11:00

Because some of us seem to argue so much (i.e. Postmodernism: Martin Vs Kate), I thought it might be interesting to post this link to what is described as the worlds smallest quiz. Perhaps much of our arguments stem from deep routed political beliefs... or then again perhaps not.

http://www.self-gov.org/quiz.html

There was one problem however...

The hippie cult that runs this website got some of there definitions a tad wrong. Here for the viewing public are my corrections:

Conservative: (Right, not to say this is the answer, simply the direction they lean towards. If a large person, when boarding rollercoaster’s or the ‘vomitron’ be sure to stay on their left side, otherwise you will face the prospect of being crushed by their conservative centre of gravity, when banking around corners): Support traditional values, such as family morals, strong anti-drug laws and Friday night witch burnings in the town square.

Liberal (Left): …Not the Johnny Howard type… Plan to build a giant space station in outer space (of all places!). The Earth will be taken over by the national trust for conservation. Anyone not on the space station will be killed humanly, inserting a piece of lead into their brains through the aid of a gun. People should unite behind me as their supreme leader. Enough said.

Libertarian: People who made this quiz. Anarchists (not the good Sex Pistols kind, but the kind who make charts and go to group rallies to show how individual they are).

Statist: Tend to distrust the free market, support high taxes and centralized planning of the economy, oppose diverse lifestyles, and question the importance of civil liberties. Like to be chained up and whipped by random strangers.

Centrist: Idiots who can’t make up their mind. Donkey Voters. People who vote for the ‘lower excise and taxes on fuel and alcohol party’.

Fascist: Mussolini, Franco, anyone not in a Punk Band, Pyschotron

Communist (Commie): Psychotron (Formerly ‘Red Square’)

Quote of the day!

2006-03-09T19:55:00.000+11:00

This comes from my lecturer, he is ace!

" I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure"

australian fiction

2006-03-06T09:06:00.000+11:00

well, sam said. that's it, then.
that's what?
we stay.
you weren't really gunna sell, sam? said lester, squeezing off an allergenic chord.
no. some abo told me it wasn't worth the money. actually he said it was bad luck.
that was me! said dolly, and i'm no abo.
i dunno, i forget. it was election day. the bugger laughed when i asked him how he voted.
he didn't vote, said rose, matter of fact.
what?
blacks havn't got the vote, she said.
sam put his cup pn the saucer. jesus, that's a bit rough, isn't it? they need a union.
rose laughed.
well, he was shitty for a reason, then. he basically said i as pissweak.
remember which side of the corridor you're on! oriel bellowed. the language!
well, he was right, said dolly.
now, now, said lester.
more tea? asked elaine.
yairs. a toast.
what to?
to us, said lester. and this old place.
ere, ere.
god bless er, an all who sink in er.
gawd, he's gunna play the national anthem.
lester! give over.
fish, get your fingers out of it, let him play the song.
that's a royalist song. play an australian song.
they're all irish.
- Tim Winton

(too right.)

leftovers

2006-02-28T09:42:00.000+11:00

i always enjoy leftovers for breakfast - anything from thai food to pizza, but i find that there aren't enough leftovers to satisfy. if only there was a cafe that served dinner foods on their breakfast menu.
after eating leftovers we shouldn't have to spoil that leftover taste with a piece of toast or a bowl of cereal.
on another note, i've lost my sd usb card reader somewhere between melbourne, albury, rutherglen and home. i am so annoyed.

after mating the male has, at best, a 50% chance of survival.

2006-02-27T22:44:00.000+11:00

oh yes kiddies it is time for mad spiderfacts with david attenborough and the mad hatter!

* various types of spiders, such as the wolf spider and the long-jawed orb weaver can walk effortlessly across water. they are either descendants of jesus, or jesus was infact a spider.

*female spiders often eat their mate during or after mating.
moral: human males should not fraternise with spiders

*red backs and tube web spiders use trip lines of silk in order to catch their prey. An insect, such as an ant or woodlouse walks into the sticky silk of the tripline, sending vibrations back to the spider nestled in its web. the spider will register the vibrations and head in the direction from which they are comming in order to catch its prey (however if it is a woodlouse, the tube web spider will disgard the insect as it does not impress upon the spider's palate).

*male spiders are cunning. check this out:

the nursery web spider: mating habits
In an effort to make mating less hazardous, the male will catch an insect, wrap it up and carry it around until he finds a female. He then presents it to her and mates with the female while she is distracted by her meal. This lasts for about an hour or until the female has finished eating her gift.

i hope she ate him anyway. the raping bastard.

*the common black house spider can survive for months without any food or water. More evidence that jesus was a spider.

remember kids, insects (especially spiders) are cool. dont knock them cause for every one human on earth, there are 200million insects. they will get you.
watch life in the undergrowth 7.30pm Sundays, ABC

melbourne

2006-02-22T18:33:00.000+11:00

i'm in melbourne. i wish i had brought friends down here to play with.
today i purchased speech bubble shaped post it notes. YES!!!!!

MEEPLES!!!

2006-02-22T13:09:00.000+11:00

We are here in the wild in the hope of catching meeples in their natural environment. There are several varieties of meeple that are only differentiated by markings and temperment.
After travelling for several days, we camped near a french city and witnessed a meeple raid. This rare event was captured on film for the first time ever. You can see the meeples gathering in clans for the attack

Later that very day we saw the meeple mating ritual which involves a gymnastics display from the males. This shows the females their virlity and their co-operation skills

After camping for a month on the kitchen floor we filmed meeples gathering food from a carefully placed cake

Tune in next week when we determine if meeples have a plan for global conquest and if they will succeed

im not living, im just killing time

2006-02-21T14:11:00.000+11:00

im so incredibly bored, that i decided to google the phrase/name "captain triangle" because of my love of the sea and my newly found fascination with tri-angular shapes. this is what i found:

his name is actually captain triangle and he brings a message of hope for us all. or perhaps only for some?

anyway, back to googling. when i googled pink jelly i got this:

pretty gross. anyone actually know what it is? a jird. no shit it's a baby jird. Cheese about
the dude on the beach with the pink jelly, as much as it looks like he's holding a giant pink dildo, i really think that it is a giant, gelatinous nipple.
im off to kill more stuff,
ange

*if you want to know exactly what, sorry who i killed, you can find out on my reinvented tea party blog

"pink jelly" image search

2006-02-21T09:39:00.000+11:00

i did this in google and 10 out of the first 20 images were pictures of dildos, butt plugs and vibrators.
Maybe the man on the beach is carrying a giant pink dildo? with that he probably wouldn't even need his nipples tweaked.
on that note, i've always had a theory that men's nipples actually weigh heaps to help with balancing. woman have boobs so are alreay balanced out with their bums. but men don't so it must be the highly dense tissue in their nipples keeping them from falling backwards.

nipples

2006-02-20T23:38:00.000+11:00

One day, while having a quiet drink with her
sex-ed officer Captain Feathersword, Cheese was told of the magical technique of nipple tweaking during foreplay. "But, however will i find this 'nipple' of which you speak Captain?" inquired our Cheese. " 'ere," growled Feathersword, " Ay weel show thee an this 'ere subject," he slurred as he scuttled towards Mark. "No Captain!" advised Cheese sternly. He will never do! Mark does not believe in pre-marital sex. His nipple will not even BEGIN to know how to be tweaked!!"

"Let us instead harass a strapping young lad who never stops mentioning his sexual drive, Todd."
Cheese leaped out of her seat and flung herself across the room onto Todd's back. After much groping, she was confused at finding no nipples on his back at all.
Seeing this display, Cheese's friend Ange took it upon herself to intervene.

Ange informed Cheese on where male nipples are located. "But that makes no sense whatsoever!" cried Cheese, and she was absolutely correct. Why on earth should males have nipples when they have no mammory glands? Cheese pondered this thought and expressed another, "Imagine though, what male chests would look like if they had no nipples," said Cheese. This thought shocked and appalled both girls so thoroughly that they never spoke of such nonsense ever again.

After searching for hours, Cheese again found Todd and subsequently tweaked his nipple. She was amazed that Angela's explicit discription of a nipple's location enabled her to find Todd's nipple through his shirt.
Todd had a chick sitting on his lap and thus did not even feel his nipple being tweaked.
Kiggles giggled.

THE END

Think Pink!

2006-02-20T12:08:00.000+11:00

Yay for today!

Today is the first day of Pink Jelly!
I have started to realise the lack of enthusiam for this wonderful blog!
So to conteract this I have changed the blog colour to PINK!
Hopefully you who call yourselves contributers will return to your former glory NOW that the blog has re-invented itself (ala kylie and Madonna)!

Enjoy and Embrace the new PINK Jelly!

Also enjoy this random photo that google gave me when I typed in Pink Jelly:
What is the man carrying? Discuss.

2006-02-14T18:12:00.000+11:00

everything is good for you if it doesnt kill you

2006-02-13T11:35:00.000+11:00

YESSSSS! i got second in the post tally! it is however notable to mention that, whilst attempting to post my 12th (this post), i totally forgot my username because i havnt been on jelly in so long. which goes to show that i am the biggest nerd ever...also because only the moderator managed to beat me lol
on that note, i am now 6 posts behind you cheese...watch your back ;)

preview of my next post: I GOT A NEW CAR!!! YAY!

why not to eat gelatinous products - like jelly!!!

2006-02-13T10:40:00.000+11:00

On a commercial scale, gelatin is made from by-products of the meat and leather industry, mainly pork skins, pork and cattle bones, or split cattle hides. Contrary to popular belief, horns and hooves are not commonly used. The raw materials are prepared by different curing, acid, and alkali processes which are employed to extract the dried collagen hydrolysate and which may take several weeks. The worldwide production amounts to 250,000 tons per year.

I don't like jelly. I don't trust the way it moves.

2006-02-10T13:54:00.000+11:00

No more sunny Cobar for me! Until April!
Yay!

movies

2006-02-06T16:11:00.000+11:00

TUESDAY NIGHT= MOVIE NIGHT!
WHAT SHALL WE SEE?

Greater Union, Glendale
Walk the Line
M - 130minsScreening Times: 10:30am, 1:15pm, 4:00pm, 6:40pm, 9:20pm

Hoyts, Charlestown
Walk the Line
M - 130minsScreening Times: 10:30am, 1:10pm, 3:50pm, 6:30pm, 9:00pm

Showcase Cinemas, Newcastle
Merry Christmas (Joyeux Noel)
M - 116minsScreening Times: 4:45pm
Mrs Henderson Presents
M - 99minsScreening Times: 10:40am, 6:45pm
Shopgirl
M - 100minsScreening Times: 12:30pm, 4:45pm
The Family Stone
M - 103minsScreening Times: 2:30pm, 8:45pm
The Producers
M - 134minsScreening Times: 4:15pm
Walk the Line
M - 130minsScreening Times: 10:45am, 1:05pm, 6:45pm, 9:00pm

Tower Greater Union, Newcastle
Good Night, and Good Luck
PG - 93minsScreening Times: 10:15am, 12:15pm, 2:15pm, 7:00pm, 9:00pm

2006-01-25T12:53:00.000+11:00

where are you people, why aren't you blogging - it's a rainy day, you can't be doing anything that great!!!!!!! well...you could...

regrets

2006-01-20T11:47:00.000+11:00

i really regret all the pancakes i had this morning lathered with maple syrup, whipped cream, butter and topped off with mango.... and followed by pink champayne...
now, lying on the study floor in feotal position i wish myself a happy birthday and i hope i get smarter from here on in..

How you doin?

2006-01-15T20:16:00.000+11:00

Your Seduction Style: Fantasy Lover

You know that ideal love that each of us dreams of from childhood? That's you!Not because you posess all of the ideal characteristics, but because you are a savvy shape shifter.You have the uncanny ability to detect someone's particular fantasy... and make it you.
You inspire each person to be an idealist and passionate, and you make each moment memorableEven a simple coffee date with you can be the most romantic moment of someone's lifeBy giving your date exactly what he or she desires, you quickly become the ideal lover.
Your abilities to make dreams come true is so strong, that you are often the love of many people's lives.Your ex's (and even people you have simply met or been friends with) long to be yours.No doubt you are the one others have dreamed of... your biggest challenge is finding *your* dream lover.

It's all true, lol. :-P

I'm sure someone else's blog has a link to yet another time killing activity.

I wanted to choose the spice girl movie for best love story though.

"And I stay in bed. Oh, in a little while I'll see you.If just once I could feel love, oh, stare back at me. Yeah." Pearl Jam

Spiral Out. Keep Going!

family photo?

2006-01-14T17:42:00.000+11:00

http://ilx.p3r.net/thread.php?msgid=5786574

Fortune and Glory

2006-01-13T18:56:00.000+11:00

This post is mainly for Tim's benefit.

After the Big Day Out (Yeah for, White Stripes, Gerling, Iggy etc...) I will be attending DogCon, one of the largest Warhammer tournament's in Australia.

I have no allusions about winning.

The only decision I have to make is whether I aim for coming 99th or 100th out of 100. (I will have to see if there is a cool Wooden Spoon trophy).

Here is my Army List (Tim, It doesn't look that good on paper, but it performs relatively well, scored a victory against Freddy (Although his army wasn't that tough).

I Can't Believe I'm Not Dave's: Empire Army List 2250 Pts
1 Elector Count
-Sword of Justice (reroll failed wounds)
-Holy Relic (4+ ward)
-Armour of Meteoric Iron (1+ Armour)
1 Battle Wizard: Magic Level 2
-Dispel Scroll
-Dispel Scroll
1 Battle Wizard: Magic Level 2
-Rod of Power (Can save up to three magic dice each magic phase)
1 Captain
-Full Plate Armor
-Battle Standard
-Dragon Bow (St 6, good for random shots at things - fanatics, assassins, squigs etc)
10 Knightly Orders of the Inner Circle
-War Banner
6 White Wolf Knights
25 Swordsmen
-Banner of Griffon (Yes..... in every army there must be one)
-9 Detachment - Free Company
25 Swordsmen
18 Spearmen
-6 Detachment - Handgunners
5 Huntsmen
1 Great Cannon
1 Mortar
5 Pistoliers + 1 Marksman: Repeater Pistol
1 Hellblaster (In the practice games has only blown up once, and that was on the last barrel in turn 6)

Casting Pool: 6 (possible 9)
Dispel Pool: 4 (possible 7 - Stupid VC and TK armies are going to wipe me out!)
Models in Army: 126
Total Army Cost: 2250

And Tim, we should go to BIV in April.

Quote of the Day

2006-01-08T04:38:00.000+11:00

Quote from Charles de Gaulle (former leader of France, and the Jackals unsuccessful target):

‘How can anyone govern a nation that has 246 different kinds of cheese?’

" RICKKKKYYY....."

2006-01-06T23:39:00.000+11:00

Summer is the time for Cricket.

I love watching the cricket. It is just so good. I LOVE A GOOD GAME. Especially when Australia has a bit of competition (Like now- Thankyou The Republic of South Africa). I also love to watch that champion Adam Gilchrist smoke it up....

I also like to develop a hate for one player on the Australian Team. This occurs for no reason and Players can redeem them selves on the Cheese list of Good for their random actions (ie. Gillespie for Growing a Mullet....).

My most dispised player for a long time now it has been Ricky Pointing.

There is no reason whatsoever for this random hate. I know Ricky is a very talented player and is a good batsman and he had a BRILLIANT catch the other day in the Slip posistion...blah blah blah..... BUT I can't help but get annoyed when he comes on the TV screen.

My favorite pastime while watching the cricket is too adopt my best BOGAN voice and call out "RIIICCKKKYYY...." whenever he opens his mouth or is on the screen. Summer in the house of Cheese is full of my random calls to the Cricketers.

Also it annoys my Dad- who is in love with Pointing...

Ahhh Cricket... What more can I say. Good days, good days.

My party

2006-01-05T13:55:00.000+11:00

Konnichiwa Everyone!

Just letting y'all know that ive just sent out the invites to my 21st (i.e. via email). Computers being electronic and all, ive probobly stuffed it up. So if you think u should have been invited and didnt, let me know.

People that should have been invited and definitely didnt get invited because i dont have their emails are: Cupitt Janet Marty Trent Shaun Amanda Dane Daz Hyoim Sumie. Anyone wants to pass on the message, please do!!

Cheers, hope to see you all there!!

2006-01-04T04:28:00.000+11:00

I did that stupid quiz that was on Marks Blog, and here are my results...

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	7
Mind:	6.9
Body:	7.5
Spirit:	7.7
Friends/Family:	3.3
Love:	0
Finance:	7.9
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

I didn't realise that '0' was a possible score! Apparently this quiz can't compute my supposed 'H.O.T.N.E.S.S'.

All is quiet on NEW YEARS DAY!

2006-01-01T20:51:00.000+11:00

This is the official tally of who has posted the most on the best jelly blog!

I hope you friendly bloggers are ready to bask in your neardy-ness.....
<<>>>

1st.
Cheese: 15

2nd.
The Mad Hatter: 11

3rd.
A monkey Named Jimbo: 10

Equal 4th.
Lucky a.k.a "Citizen Snips': 8
Evil Lincoln: 8

5th.
Ducky Tong: 5

6th.
Erin:4

Equal 7th.
markalwayswins:3
Mike TV:3

Equal 8th.
Jocoanut:2
Hermit Bill: 2
Hawkeye Houlihan: 2

9th.
ardnassac: 1

Last is those silly bloggers:
Kat, Kiggles, Syd the III and Desert Fox!
( tut tut tut - NO glory for you!- sucked in...)

Too long between games.

2005-12-30T00:19:00.000+11:00

I think this is a prefect medium for me to release the inner nerd, which I have had to keep pent up inside me for the last few months, while in Japan away from my games, and figures.

…by discussing favourites, and making lists (which are always fun).

My favourite game of the year (well I did miss half a year of gaming) is Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory. Stealth games are still probably my favourite genre I know a lot of my friends don’t feel the same "what? I have to use my head? I cant just shoot him 20 times, and then a further 30 times when he's lifeless on the ground??" maybe it's my inner urges to become a ninja (which every boy does when he grows up).

All the splinter Cell games have been great, but this one was exceptionally special. First, it gave Sam a knife, which was great in terms of gameplay, and the instant kill function (kidney slash, still my favourite). Secondly the graphics look just as good as some of the xbox 360 games. And Finally, the co-operative mode, this was just fucking sweet addition. I remember once at pre-drinks me and Gibbo tried to run through the first level in 5 mins as opposed to 2hrs, without any stealth, kill everyone in our path and to hell with all the alarms. I don't think we ever achieved it, but we did try so many times, we were late to the grand that night. Although I don’t think anyone there minded they enjoyed watching our stupid antics. Also I remember doing all the missions one night properly with Kells, until he cracked the shits and just wanted to run through the last level, I think you did have fun man, maybe next time I wont have to lock the door, or hold you at gun point. :-P (Splinter Cell 4 comes out next year, after all).

Well it is the beginning of the end of this current generation of consoles, with the release of the xbox 360 (which doesn’t come out in Australia until March, with that and the delay of Zelda until the same time, I think the video game God likes me :-) and doesn’t want me to miss out). So I thought I'd do my round up of favourite games from this generation. Well firstly I don’t think my number 1 has come out yet, as I said earlier Zelda doesn’t come out till next March, but here goes.

1. Halo2
2. Halo (These two might not be technically the 'best' games out, but the sheer amount of time we have all spent playing them, at mine, Caldies, Little's, Gibbo's and Tuck's must mean they are pretty good, and I always looked forward to Friday nights).
3. Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory
4. Metriod Prime (goes to show you can base a game purely on atmosphere)
5. Super Smash Bros Melee (again purely for the amount of times I've spent playing it with friends, still remember that night we played each time a player lost they had to take a shot, Cupitt was sick until 3 the next afternoon [maybe we ::should:: have taken him to hospital])

And my developer of this generation Ubisoft, they make so many good games, and very few flops. Splinter Cells, Prince of Persias, Ghost Recons, Rainbow Sixes, Beyond Good and Evil, and so many more. Rareware, as my pick from last generation, pick-up your game, I hope you can make it back to number one with some sweet games for the Xbox360 I was very disappointed this generation at the company that killed my social life and made me into a nerd with games like; Goldeneye, Conkers and Perfect Dark.

Ah, I feel better now; I now return you to you normal blog.

Tim

Ride The Spiral

As Microsoft said in that banned campaign “Life’s short, play hard.”

Video killed the radio star...

2005-12-29T04:12:00.000+11:00

I have been listening to commercial radio more than I would like lately, and I have noticed something very important:

Pop music is becoming more and more like Eurovision Song Contest Music.

Take for example the lyrics to this new song I heard the other night (actually I heard it several times, it appears that the DJ may have accidental hit the repeat button, and couldn’t be arsed to do anything about it):

# From Paris to Berlin,
In every Disco I am in,
My heart is pumping for love,
Pumping for love. #

Discos? European Cities? Irregular Bodily Functions? Could this chorus be any more Eurovision-ish?

I think not… null points.

Yet this leaves me with only two conclusions:

1: Pop music is getting worse

Or

2: The Eurovision judges and contestants discovered how to make a time machine in the early sixties when a UFO (in reality a ‘Swiss Aeroplane’ – Think about it, time-perfect clocks, great chocolate, large monetary centre, neutral in all wars, look like German tourists, and an aversion to sunlight) crash landed in Brussels. In an effort to look cool, they travelled into the future so that they could create the best pop music possible; however the music was so advanced for its time that it appeared retro, outdated and corny to contemporary listeners.

My Friends, the correct answer can only be number two. Therefore the world is in crisis. It will not be long before Eurovision loses its innocence, and unleashes an army of red sequined time travelling keyboard-guitar carrying eastern European moustached men.

The ‘countdown’ to ‘top of the pops’ Armageddon has begun….

Psychic Dave

2005-12-28T23:52:00.000+11:00

This is a post from my brother Dave's site-I love it! i hope you guys enjoy and ask dave some nice questions......................

There was once a time before broadband, ADSL, Cable and other superfast internet connections when you would wait up to two minutes to wait for a website - yes guys this was the era of the internet before the year 2000 - yeah half a decade has passed and we have all forgotten.

At that time blogs were virtually unheard of. People could create websites in their own home using microsoft frontpage or if you couldn't be arsed paying all this money, the microsoft frontpage express options included in Windows 1998!

You may all be surprised to know that I once created a webpage called Psychic Dave (http://www.psychicdave.8k.com/). Its origins were in a rather devious scheme to help one of my cousins to make sure one of her friends didn't go for a boy she liked. This friend ( I think she may have been called Sharon I don't quite remember) called me and I gave her psychic advice based on information my cousin gave me. It may have worked and so the website was set up. It became a cult hit among some of my sisters friends and for a while there was no activity whatsoever.

Then in the year 2001, the website was featured in a New Zealand computer magazine called Dodgy. For more than three months I would recieve between 12 and 150 emails a day asking for psychic advice. The strangest being questions about suicide, pregnancy and one a complex mining engineering enquiry - warning me that if I gave the wrong answer I risked $50 million worth of equipment.

I contend that this was the nature of the web in the past. A place where you could create a simple and effective website at the touch of a button using only frontpage and geocities (or freeservers). But we must embrace change and I promise to write in this blog as often as possible.

H.O.T.N.E.S.S

2005-12-28T20:56:00.000+11:00

AND the best dressed award for the Boxing day Races goes to .......

JAMES KELLS!

He looked way hot in his Pin-stripe Jacket and Tan Pants!

Well done! Yay!

Essential Reading

2005-12-26T22:36:00.000+11:00

I heartedly endorse this product…

Cosmetics from the Earth: A Guide to Natural Beauty (Paperback)by Roy Genders
Availability: Available from these sellers.
9 used & new available from $5.79

Product Details
Paperback: 208 pages
Publisher: Vanderbilt Univ Dept of; Rep edition (April, 1986)
Language: English
ISBN: 0912383208
Amazon.com Sales Rank:
Today: #1,283,323 in Books Yesterday: #1,282,933 in Books
(Publishers and authors: improve your sales)

I AM A PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE

2005-12-22T19:51:00.000+11:00

For those of you who could not tell by my physique, i am a professional sportsman much like ronaldo. I was paid $75 after losing my indoor soccer grand final. This means that i am paid $150 an hour. Note that to get into this grand final we finished 6th out of eight teams then wion one game. Also that it cost $45 dollars per game. And the $75 is divided amongst the team. But regardless of that i can lose 14 grand finals a day and get paid $1050. As a professional athlete i am not prepared to lose in a competition, however pointless or stupid it is. Kells, Cheese - it's on. I, Evil Lincoln shall have the most posts by new year Mhahahaha. (NB: i am not to be confused with good lincoln, who is much more evil, but in a good way)